So far, nothing bad has happened to me since I committed this verbal crime for the first time more than a decade ago. And I've been committing said crime over and over again without letup.
No rehab. No therapy. Nothing could ever cure me!
Here it is. Calm down. Instead of "Excuse me," I say "Squeeze me." :P
I say "Squeeze me" when I want my students to hush.
I say "Squeeze me" to remind preoccupied late-comers to sign my tardy log.
I say "Squeeze me" when my students talk to me using their "normal" voice.
I say "Squeeze me" when my students tell me their parents used their homework to start the barbecue fire.
I also say "Squeeze me" when I confiscate a student's cell phone that's in use while in class because the parent called from the mental hospital.
Am not sure what my students really think of me, but my mangled version seems to work just fine. Same two words. Two innocent words uttered with varying tones of voice or facial expressions.
The fact is it causes excitement that "Excuse me" couldn't draw.
There's magic in "Squeeze me."
It never fails to elicit knowing smiles.
It also disarms those who came to class loaded.
This has been a fixture in my classroom this school year.
Drawing by Samantha Roy Gutierrez.
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